So Sweet

Quickly dash and turn off the light
kiss my eyes, be off to bed
sunrise
sunset
it all begins again
with quiet thoughts
and thoughtless breath
automatic
robotic
Sip of tea before leaving
remote messages over
cell phones
random love messages
across the plains
through time changes
sunrise
sunset
and it all begins again

4 years on Remembrance Day

with his breath
i move
and move
towards him
in a sweeping motion
across the floor
so quick
and for all time

and with a look
i am cemented in place
and feverish
and content
and sure
of the choice I made

with a touch
i see our childrens eyes
in you
and sudder at the
thought of all time
for now
for long

and with a word
i am his alone
and see the mountains
we've conquered
and see the horizon
of what's to come
and I know
I know

Stepping on toes

this time i
went too far in touching him
laughing at his jokes
and inviting him over

my watchdog
keeping silent
in fear of being caught jealous
even though he had every right

i was only joking
for the most part
finding it hard
to only be desired by one

sometimes it's hard to be
the only one
for him
and him the only one for me

looking for approval
and compliments from
more than just one
not meaning to go so far

nothing would happen
but i pushed the envelope
again
and left them fuming

and me in an awkward state
leaving his back door
and his embrace
with my husband in the truck waiting

thinking that i was justified
lending mine out for a friends company
when she needed me instead
i thought i had the right

fulfilling the need to be
the "cool" wife
thought i'd take what i wanted
even when it wasn't mine to take

and tried to have my cake and
fill myself full
and i only ended up sick
and with this sinking feeling

For Danny

i am holding on tight
crisp breeze in my face
wheels spinning fast
stirring the earth
under four tires
and i can’t think of
anywhere i’d rather be

then riding with you
amongst the trees and the wind
finding secret places
and stillness
where creeks unravel
like garter snakes
along the road
leading to

crackling fires
and muddy faces
the laughter that rings
cemented memories
and the light that shines
upon us
if you only knew

how much i love it
how it eases my heart
and fills my lungs
with the best air
i’ve had
in so long
and i feel like new
and yours again
for all time

Baby this night's for us...

that night i held tight to your arm
and asked you to come with me
that there was room on the way back
i couldn't look into your eyes
i felt guilty for wanting more
and your deep pools
felt so threatening

my breath got short mid-sentence
and i found it hard to
get the words out
feeling so inadequate
and so unattractive in comparison
i felt sick and thrilled at the
same time

your voice poured out of your
mouth like cream
and i couldn't help but
want those lips on mine
I "aint been sexin' kitten"
but I would right about now

the guilt seems unbearable
that your voice won't quit my mind
and that touch seems so far gone now
but I am not sure I would
go so far again

i liked you better untouchable
and far away
with your confidence and perfection
on stage
and not imperfect
like you were that night

too bad nothing ignited
but i have so much happiness
at home
that my disappointment
will be over run with joy
when i return tonight

What now?

the liquid moonlight
draped across your face
and you are repeating
and repeating
and I am tossing
and turning
trying to harness
and stop the avalanche

So Lost

it is night
and far from
when
I saw it all
like I did
in that light
hear their
laughter
ringing
and ring loud
feel the fever
burning
and burn hot
it did

it is night
and I can’t see
the way I could
lose all of that
and those
feelings
in me are
so buried now
but slightly glimmering
beyond the soil

a song, a smell
returns it all
a voice, a call
a thought, a look
and I think back
to the way
before the birth
of my new life
back when I was
damaged
lost
and fun