Never Had

You brutalize my confidence
while I am sinking into the floor
creepy crawling past so you won’t see
underneath you sly comments
but meanwhile always
perched at the corners of your eye
While I’ve seen you naked,
I’ve seen you much clearly now
pro’s, con’s and all that stuff
maybe it wasn’t so cool
as I wanted it to be
or maybe I came up a bit short
I thought it could be so much more
I keep slipping past you all day long
trying to avoid awkward situations
or your loud voice booming,
trying to be one of the boys
when you aren’t fooling me at all
You make me want to jump
up and down to make you notice me
the way you did that night
I almost fell apart it was amazing
You are much younger and maybe
I can chalk it up to that
feel better
and less rejected
and not so cheated out of
something I never had