Stepping on toes

this time i
went too far in touching him
laughing at his jokes
and inviting him over

my watchdog
keeping silent
in fear of being caught jealous
even though he had every right

i was only joking
for the most part
finding it hard
to only be desired by one

sometimes it's hard to be
the only one
for him
and him the only one for me

looking for approval
and compliments from
more than just one
not meaning to go so far

nothing would happen
but i pushed the envelope
again
and left them fuming

and me in an awkward state
leaving his back door
and his embrace
with my husband in the truck waiting

thinking that i was justified
lending mine out for a friends company
when she needed me instead
i thought i had the right

fulfilling the need to be
the "cool" wife
thought i'd take what i wanted
even when it wasn't mine to take

and tried to have my cake and
fill myself full
and i only ended up sick
and with this sinking feeling