Lost so many friends, made so many memories

Someone mentioned you
and I smiled at your name
and cringed
at the thought
1 year not speaking
1 year of nothing
but empty space
and i keep thinking
i could just call you
and we could pull-start
our friendship
and burn the carbon off
and begin again

but then i think that
you are still with him
and i can't bear to see
your life stalled
and to see what
you have given up to
be by his side
what you have sacrificed
and how you have changed
since that day in September
and that appointment
changed all of us
so permanent

summer's coming
and i don't know
how i can get through
another one without
your sunshine
and that light
that surrounds you

i want to go back
but i don't know how

Too much

You in your winter coat
And me in my frown
Turned and
Spinning beyond recognition
Arms reaching out
For a grasp at anything stable
And standing still

Ice clouds and paintings
On car windows
Where hand prints
Drip mercifully on curves
And hollows of us
Bent and lying twisted
Seeking something
Immediate

Never lasting
Never meaningful
But overpowering
And encompassing
Sweet and sour
Co-dependent to the
Nth degree

Scraps and photos
Sticking sweetly to
My memories
So grandiose
And over exaggerated
The truth has two
Definitions

The Friendship

pooled
and surrounded
and consumed by it
so much
that it enrages
and cages
and
takes me over
and covers me
like a blanket